Taking your Wife to the Doctor

The Middle East has hundreds of satellite TV stations. With a click of the remote, I can go from Avril Lavigne singing "I Wanna be your Girlfriend" to young Palestinian children singing about blowing up Israelis. Some of my favorites are the religious channels, where clerics with straggly beards and a wild look in their eyes freely dispense religious advice.

One of them the other night was talking about taking your wife to the doctor. So for any husband out there who has been neglecting his duty by not taking his wife (or wives) to the doctor and has actually been careless enough to let her go unaccompanied, listen up!

First of all, she should go to a female Muslim doctor. If that is not available, since gender trumps religion, she should go to a female non-Muslim doctor (the Qur'an calls these Kafir). If that is still not available, the next choice is a male Muslim doctor. If none of these options are possible, Allah forbid, she can go to a male non-Muslim doctor.

Rule number 2: Your properly veiled and fully-covered wife should reveal no more of her body than necessary. If her finger hurts, there is no need for her to uncover her wrist. It it's the wrist that is troubling her, she doesn't need to show her forearm. I think you get the picture.

Next rule: If possible, the doctor should examine your wife without touching her. If he needs to touch her (and that is why you are there, to give him permission) he should touch her over her clothes. If her clothes need to be removed, she and not the doctor should take them off (I hadn't realized doctors undress their patients, but that is apparently the case).

The cleric finished the lesson by saying, "I always take my wife to the doctor." Are you American husbands any less devoted?